Three shortshort stories

John was in a coma. Looks like I didn't murder him well enough. Well, what should you expect from the lesser brother?

"My love, what say you to a night of happiness and music?"
"I have mace."
"That... that was not what I was looking for."
"Then please please try to be less of a creepy motherfucker."

"We've been over this before. You poison him, he falls into a coma, we murder him."
"Problem, sir: I'm not an alchemist."
"Well how hard is it to find some chemical that'll put a man into a coma?"
"Very, actually. Couldn't I just poison him _fatally_? That would turn it into a one-step plan and there'd be less room for error AND I'd actually be able to pull it off."
"NO! The plan is as written."
"... Look, how about we just murder him with poison, but then _tell people_ we poisoned him into a coma? No one would ever need to know-"
"NOO! THE PLAN. IS. AS WRITTEN!"
"... Why did you have to write it in pen?"
"It was all I had on me at the time."
"... Well why can't we just cross it out and write in a new plan?"
"NO! The plan - as written - is ABSOLUTE. It cannot be crossed out until it has succeeded"
"... Sir, I feel your compulsiveness is negatively affecting the organization."
"Nu-uh."
"Sir, I'm not the only one who thinks this."
"Well they're wrong too. My compulsiveness is THE VERY FOUNDATION OF OUR ORGANIZATION!"
"Sir, I'm the only one in here. And I don't care that you're posing."
"Well..."
"Sir, you are not helping your cause with this."